I will not say this is THE paradox of faith for there may be others, but what I would speak of today is A paradox of faith.
Our standing on the word of God, our resisting our own thoughts, our coming against imaginary demons because we refuse to admit that the verse as a man thinks so he is actually applies to our spontaneous thoughts and not to our conscious force against them, all this is a blasphemous, painful and dangerous waste of time, for we are tempted by our own lusts, not outside forces, as St James said
In the end, in one on one counsel with the Holy Spirit in personal conversation, I have found that I simply had to come out and say to Him, time and time again, as He led in the context of our conversation
"I DON"T BELIEVE YOU!"
I have actually found that it takes more faith to say that to God's face as it were than to constantly look inwards (for such effort is only inward looking) and rebuke such and such a thought or stand on a bible verse which every fibre of our being is saying we do not believe.
Such a warfare is a private war, but I know for a fact that I wanted this as it made me look like a hero. Even a Titan in chains. And I see this everywhere. It is grandiose self dramatization. It is merely the self destructive antics of a kingdom divided against itself whereby, as we are individually that kingdom, such effort could and often enough does lead to a final falling away to perdition, for I have always rejected that dangerous false security which is Once Saved Always Saved
No.
I come to believe anything, particularly as pertains to Christian living, by confessing as sin the contrary unbelief. But not of course as a legalistic strategy. Such is what I call "reportage." It is not honest and so is a total waste of time , for as God know it already if we do not mean it for it comes not from the heart, then it is indeed a total waste of time.
Of course it is totally counter intuitive that I should come to faith by confessing unbelief, but how can it be otherwise? We are carnal minded if our fruit are carnal. Our doctrine may be sound but it is not honestly believed. And this makes Pharisees of us for we confuse commitment to a doctrine with believing it. Indeed, if it were honestly believed surely it would bring forth endless joy and we would be known by our love joy and peace.
And being carnal minded then of course I think the gospel is utter insane nonsense, self indulgent tripe, you name it. This is what I might call "flesh" but to separate ourselves from it is deadly and the essence of legalism.
The solution? we prefer to make grace a reified force at our beck and call, something we use to help save ourselves. This is something God will never do and it shows why God never helps our efforts. If we manage to repress a behaviour so deep that we no longer do it this is no victory. WE have merely deepened our hypocrisy and the tension of our lives show we will pay for it.
The solution? As always there is only one: personal one on one dialogue with the Holy Spirit of Christ. This is what prayer is
As part of our healing will, as sure as Christ will return someday, our healing WILL include conviction of sin, including the sins of unbelief; but this will only happen as we let it out and stop pretending that we believe him or most assuredly that we love him, for with such blasphemies that will come out as engendered by our effort, distilled by the high pressure we put ourselves under, we surely do not love God and likely never have.
Be honest with him.
But of course I know full well this is anathema to the religious heart and mind which insists on being good where it is not, so even the reality of being honest with Him will only come about by His leading us to it.
It is all much easier than struggling with our thoughts and thing we are heroes for the effort.
But it is still written that His yoke is easy his burden light
Our standing on the word of God, our resisting our own thoughts, our coming against imaginary demons because we refuse to admit that the verse as a man thinks so he is actually applies to our spontaneous thoughts and not to our conscious force against them, all this is a blasphemous, painful and dangerous waste of time, for we are tempted by our own lusts, not outside forces, as St James said
In the end, in one on one counsel with the Holy Spirit in personal conversation, I have found that I simply had to come out and say to Him, time and time again, as He led in the context of our conversation
"I DON"T BELIEVE YOU!"
I have actually found that it takes more faith to say that to God's face as it were than to constantly look inwards (for such effort is only inward looking) and rebuke such and such a thought or stand on a bible verse which every fibre of our being is saying we do not believe.
Such a warfare is a private war, but I know for a fact that I wanted this as it made me look like a hero. Even a Titan in chains. And I see this everywhere. It is grandiose self dramatization. It is merely the self destructive antics of a kingdom divided against itself whereby, as we are individually that kingdom, such effort could and often enough does lead to a final falling away to perdition, for I have always rejected that dangerous false security which is Once Saved Always Saved
No.
I come to believe anything, particularly as pertains to Christian living, by confessing as sin the contrary unbelief. But not of course as a legalistic strategy. Such is what I call "reportage." It is not honest and so is a total waste of time , for as God know it already if we do not mean it for it comes not from the heart, then it is indeed a total waste of time.
Of course it is totally counter intuitive that I should come to faith by confessing unbelief, but how can it be otherwise? We are carnal minded if our fruit are carnal. Our doctrine may be sound but it is not honestly believed. And this makes Pharisees of us for we confuse commitment to a doctrine with believing it. Indeed, if it were honestly believed surely it would bring forth endless joy and we would be known by our love joy and peace.
And being carnal minded then of course I think the gospel is utter insane nonsense, self indulgent tripe, you name it. This is what I might call "flesh" but to separate ourselves from it is deadly and the essence of legalism.
The solution? we prefer to make grace a reified force at our beck and call, something we use to help save ourselves. This is something God will never do and it shows why God never helps our efforts. If we manage to repress a behaviour so deep that we no longer do it this is no victory. WE have merely deepened our hypocrisy and the tension of our lives show we will pay for it.
The solution? As always there is only one: personal one on one dialogue with the Holy Spirit of Christ. This is what prayer is
As part of our healing will, as sure as Christ will return someday, our healing WILL include conviction of sin, including the sins of unbelief; but this will only happen as we let it out and stop pretending that we believe him or most assuredly that we love him, for with such blasphemies that will come out as engendered by our effort, distilled by the high pressure we put ourselves under, we surely do not love God and likely never have.
Be honest with him.
But of course I know full well this is anathema to the religious heart and mind which insists on being good where it is not, so even the reality of being honest with Him will only come about by His leading us to it.
It is all much easier than struggling with our thoughts and thing we are heroes for the effort.
But it is still written that His yoke is easy his burden light
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